


i'm wide awake (so what's the point of dreaming)

by itainthardtryin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Virgin!Lexa, but without the sex and added fluff, lexa cries, no-one dies and everyone is very in love and very happy, very loose modern day interpretation of the 307 love scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6647023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itainthardtryin/pseuds/itainthardtryin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa have been best friends for 15 years, and have been in love with each other for just as long. Neither dare admits it, until one day Lexa does. Ridiculous amounts of fluff follow. </p><p>(Kind of a modern au retelling of the love scene in 3x07, but they don't have sex. Everyone lives and everyone is happy.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke wakes at 4am to the sound of her phone buzzing and she reaches over into the darkness to grab it. She rolls over onto her side and unlocks it, closing her eyes against the brightness from the screen. She opens them again a few moments later trying to acclimatise to it, and opens the message. 

_ im in love with you _

She feels the words deep in her chest as she reads them, and her stomach drops. If she was still half sleeping a few seconds before, she’s wide awake now. She looks at the words again and again, reading them over and over, making sure she’s read them correctly. Making sure they’re actually from who it says they’re from. 

She can’t even bring herself to reply. Clarke’s not stupid. She’s known Lexa has been in love with her for a long time now - maybe years even - and she feels the same way. But they’re best friends, and Clarke didn’t think either of them would risk it. 

It’s why she’s never told Lexa how she feels. She loves Lexa more than anything in this world, but to cross that line… it means opening herself up to the possibility of losing her. There are only two ways a relationship can end in Clarke’s mind - marriage, or break up.

And Clarke thinks that dating Lexa, giving her heart to her, and knowing how it feels to have everything she’s ever dreamt of - it would destroy her if they ever broke up. They wouldn’t be able to get their friendship back. It would be the end of them. 

But in five words Lexa has opened up a whole world of possibility for her, and her heart aches with hope. 

She’s about to reply when the typing bubble pops up. She watches it eagerly, her heart racing. She watches as those little dots flash before her eyes, and she keeps watching as they disappear again. Her mind runs wild with what Lexa could possibly have wanted to say. She imagines Lexa in her room, typing the words with trembling hands, then hitting backspace as she decides against it. 

Suddenly, the phone begins to vibrate in her hand and Lexa’s picture shows up on the screen. Clarke is so taken aback by it that she just stares, forgetting to answer, and it rings off. Seconds later, a text appears. 

_ Please tell me i haven’t fucked this up… i know you’ve read the message  _

Clarke starts to panic, realising her read receipts are on and Lexa’s probably been sitting staring at her screen the entire time Clarke has, both of them just trying to comprehend what’s happening. 

_ You couldn’t ever  _

Clarke hits send quickly, wanting to reassure Lexa that they’re okay. There’s so much she wants to say, but she needs to let Lexa know that she hasn’t messed them up first. 

_ Do you…? _

Clarke’s glad she didn’t answer the phone, because she doesn’t think she could deal with how Lexa would sound if she was speaking these words. She’s known Lexa for the better part of fifteen years, and she can hear her voice saying the words in her mind as she reads them. She hates how small that voice sounds. 

Clarke’s hands shake as she types out a message she’s written probably hundreds of times before, but it’s different this time, because this time she knows she’s going to send it. 

_ I’m in love with you too  _

She sends it and as soon as she does her heart feels lighter. This burden that’s held her down for so many years, the one thing that she’s felt has been consuming her, is out there in the open and the best part? Lexa feels the same way. 

Nothing is certain, there is only this moment, but in this moment they’re in love, and Clarke’s never felt so safe. 

_ I wish you could see the smile on my face right now  _

Clarke lets out a sigh of relief and gives into happiness. She feels it from the tips of her fingers right down to her toes. She’s in love with Lexa and Lexa is in love with her. 

_ Me too, but i’m always going to do my best to make you smile…  _

Lexa replies instantly. 

:) 

And then.

_...where do we go from here? _

And Clarke wants to know the answer to that question just as much as Lexa does. She has absolutely no idea how they go on from here. They’re still the same Clarke and Lexa, but everything is different, and everything is good. It’s completely ridiculous, but Clarke wants to just be with Lexa right now, regardless of the fact that it’s half four in the morning. 

_ Can I come over? _

She doesn’t even wait for Lexa’s reply before getting out of bed and throwing on some sweats and an old t-shirt. She gathers her hair in a messy bun and ties it back, before checking her phone again. 

_ Clarke, it’s 4:30am!!  _

Clarke smiles. 

_ So? ;) When has that ever stopped us in the past? _

She pulls on her Converse and grabs her keys. 

_ That’s true :) Just be safe.  _ A beat and then,  _ Because I love you.  _

They’ve said those words to each other thousands of times over the years so they’re nothing new, but the meaning has changed completely and reading them makes relief flood through Clarke’s veins. She’s never felt so calm in her life. 

 

//

 

She arrives at Lexa’s apartment half an hour later, and she smiles when she notices the curtain shake where Lexa has been watching out for her. Clarke has no idea what to expect when she gets up there, but every step feels like the walking towards something great. 

Lexa buzzes her in, and Clarke’s legs threaten to shake with anticipation as she makes her way up to the third floor. Lexa’s already waiting for her at the door, with her finger over her lips signalling for Clarke to be quiet. There’s a subtle smile on her face and a softness that she’s never noticed in Lexa before. Clarke wonders if it’s always been there, or if it’s a result of Clarke’s feelings for her. 

(She knows deep down it’s always been there, but her heart races knowing that she’s probably the only person to see it.)

“Hi,” Lexa whispers when Clarke’s close enough to hear. 

Clarke smiles. “Hi.” They stand in the doorway for a few seconds. They both giggle quietly at themselves. It’s awkward, but it’s anything but uncomfortable. Clarke knows by looking at her that Lexa’s heart is close to bursting with feelings. She knows because she feels exactly the same way, and it’s not knowing where to start that’s making them trip over their words. 

Eventually, they make their way inside silently and Lexa makes them coffee. When she hands Clarke the mug her heart races again because Lexa doesn’t even have to ask how she likes it. Of  _ course _ she knows how Clarke likes her coffee in the morning, she knows everything about her, and Clarke knows just as much about Lexa. 

It’s Lexa who speaks first. “How long?” 

It’s whispered into the air between them with wide, wondering eyes never leaving Clarke’s. Her gaze is intense but comforting; it feels like home. Clarke wonders why it took them so long to admit this and give in. 

“I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you,” Clarke admits as if they’re the easiest words she’s ever spoken. And she supposes they are. The truth always comes easier than a lie. And it’s so incredibly easy to tell Lexa how much she loves her because every inch of her is consumed by it. 

She watches the subtle changes in Lexa’s face as she processes the words. A part of her expected a bright smile that overtook her entire face, but what Lexa gives her instead is so much more than Clarke ever could have imagined. 

She notices her eyes smile first, and Clarke can’t look anywhere else as they fill with tears. Lexa is the picture of pure disbelief and Clarke’s heart  _ aches _ thinking about how many times Lexa has probably convinced herself that Clarke couldn’t possibly feel the same way. 

(Clarke knows how many times she did. She still isn’t sure this moment is real.) 

Lexa swallows. “I love you,” tumbles out and it’s the first time Clarke’s heard the words out loud. The words linger in the air, wrapping themselves around her. 

For the first time since they sat down, Clarke’s eyes break from Lexa’s and find her lips. She’s dreamt about kissing them more nights than she cares to admit, and she slowly closes the gap between them. Lexa’s chest heaves with anticipation. There are only inches between them, then their noses are touching, and Clarke’s hand is on Lexa’s cheek. She pauses. 

“Can I kiss you?” She feels slightly stupid asking, but this is another line they’re crossing and she needs to know that Lexa is entirely on the same page as her. 

Lexa lets out a breath of disbelief and answers Clarke without words. Her lips meet Clarke’s and the world falls away until there is nothing but the feeling of Lexa against her. It’s soft and slow and Clarke’s entire body is alive with the feeling. She feels Lexa pull away a few seconds later, and when Clarke opens her eyes and does the same, what she sees makes her fall even more in love with her. 

She’s crying. But there’s so much more than that. She’s looking at Clarke as if she’s the only thing she’ll ever need. Like there is nothing else in the world that matters. 

Clarke hopes Lexa can see the same feelings written on her own face. 

They study each other for a moment before reconnecting their lips and deepening their kiss. It’s more desperate this time, and Clarke takes a risk by teasing her tongue into Lexa’s mouth. She feels Lexa’s whole body shudder in response before Lexa meets her request. 

Clarke feels like she could drown in this feeling that’s washing over her, she could live in it forever, with Lexa kissing her and loving her. 

They give into the sensation for long minutes, their hands finding home on each other’s bodies. Neither of them push for more, happy with this level of connection for now. Clarke can feel Lexa’s hand resting on her leg, her thumb rubbing her thigh gently. The feeling brings Clarke back into reality, and it prompts her to pull away. 

Lexa’s lips are wet and slightly swollen, her face covered in the last remaining tracks of her tears. The sun is starting to rise through the window and the light hits off Lexa’s eyes, illuminating the emotion there for Clarke to see plainly. Clarke wipes away the tears, smudging them on Lexa’s cheek. 

“You’re beautiful,” she tells her, and Lexa bows her head in a shy smile. Clarke gently brings her head back up so she can look into Lexa’s eyes. “I really mean it. You’re absolutely beautiful, Lexa.”

Another disbelieving breath leaves Lexa. “You’re the first person who’s ever told me that,” she admits, and Clarke tries to ignore the way Lexa’s body is shaking. 

“It’s the truth,” Clarke says sincerely. 

Lexa stares at her for a few seconds. “I believe you.” Clarke leans in and kisses her ever so softly with closed lips. 

“Have you slept?” Clarke asks when she realises the room is now almost completely full of daylight. 

Lexa shakes her head. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I couldn’t sleep. I was too scared…” She trails off and honestly, every word that Lexa says makes Clarke’s chest ache. 

“You’re so brave,” Clarke tells her. “You’re braver than I am.” 

Lexa smiles. “If I’d have known that this was how it was going to go, I would have told you years ago.” 

“Not if I told you first,” Clarke flirts. They both break into laughter, still completely overwhelmed by this whole thing. “We should sleep,” Clarke suggests, and she can’t help but notice the subtle pout on Lexa’s face. She takes Lexa’s hand and leads her to the bedroom. 

Lexa begins to undress, and suddenly Clarke finds herself blushing. Again, this is something they’ve done hundreds of times before - Clarke’s seen Lexa in her underwear more than she’s seen her past girlfriends in their underwear - but it just feels  _ different _ now. 

Lexa picks up on Clarke’s discomfort. “Is this weird now?” It’s a genuine question, and she waits for Clarke to answer before she undresses any further. Clarke’s eyes wander over Lexa’s body, her slender frame exposed, with only her bra and shorts covering her. 

“Not weird,” Clarke reassures her. “Different,” she comments. “ _ Better _ .” 

Lexa takes off her shorts, and Clarke follows her lead, removing both her t-shirt and sweats. They’re both in just their underwear, and Lexa crawls into bed first. Clarke doesn’t know where to go, but her body seems to act on her behalf leading her to crawl in behind Lexa, draping one arm over her waist to pull her closer. 

The room falls into comfortable silence and Clarke thinks that Lexa has already fallen asleep, but she’s startled when Lexa speaks. “We fit perfectly,” she whispers.

Clarke takes a moment to think about the words, revelling in the feeling of how their bodies curve into each other like they are two parts of a whole. “Yeah, we do,” she says, hoping Lexa can hear the smile in her voice. 

She looks at the sunlight on Lexa’s back, the careless way her long hair falls over her shoulders onto the bed, and she decides that she owes Lexa some bravery too. “I’d convinced myself that you didn’t love me,” Clarke admits. “That you  _ couldn’t _ love me. At least not like this.” 

“But I do,” Lexa reminds her. 

“But you do,” Clarke echoes. She presses a soft kiss to Lexa’s shoulder and brings her hand up to rub gentle strokes over the tattoo on Lexa’s arm. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you.” 

“Shhh,” Lexa says, reaching up to take Clarke’s hand in her own. She intertwines their fingers and runs her thumb gently over Clarke’s. “It doesn’t matter who told who.” She turns round so she’s lying flat on her back, “All that matters is that it’s real and it’s happening.” 

“And that I love you,” Clarke reminds her, still caught off guard by how  _ happy _ she is saying the words out loud. 

“And that you love me,” Lexa repeats with an air of disbelief. They lie in silence for long, perfect moments, just taking each other in. 

“We should sleep,” Lexa says, breaking the silence.

“We keep saying that,” Clarke smiles. 

“We really should though,” Lexa says although she makes no attempt to move from Clarke’s embrace or close her eyes. “I have class in like, three hours.” 

“And I have to be in work in four,” Clarke states, feeling slightly sad at the thought of having to leave Lexa. They both know neither of them are planning on actually sleeping any time soon. They can’t keep their eyes off each other, taking in every little detail of this moment. 

“Can we talk about something else?” Lexa asks. “Something other than how we’re going to have leave this bed soon.” 

“We don’t have to talk at all,” Clarke tells her, leaning in to kiss her once again. She’ll never get used to this feeling - of being able to kiss Lexa whenever she wants. It feels like a dream, one she’s had many times before, but it  _ never _ felt as good in her dreams as it does in reality. 

It’s more intense this time, with the feeling of skin against skin, with Lexa underneath her. She feels Lexa’s hands roam freely down her sides pulling her on top of her so their chests touch. Clarke’s skin feels electric with Lexa’s against her own and she allows herself to run her fingers along the length of Lexa’s body, all the way down, over her hip to rest on her thigh. Lexa moves her leg up so Clarke can roam further. 

In all her life Clarke’s never been so content to just  _ explore  _ someone and not want more. Of course eventually she  wants _ more _ , she wants to know every inch of Lexa, but right now in this moment she is more than content with just making out. 

They’ve been best friends for over a decade and Clarke’s sure Lexa has told her everything that’s ever happened to her, which in this moment seems like the scariest thought Clarke’s ever had - because Lexa’s never talked to her about sex. The realisation that she might be the first person to ever touch Lexa like that hits her like a punch and she pulls away from the kiss. 

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks, staring up at her with those wide eyes. Clarke thinks she sees a hint of fear in them, the smallest hint of doubt, that maybe Lexa thinks she’s regretting this whole thing. She shakes her head in silent disbelief at how  _ wrong _ Lexa is. 

Clarke swallows away the emotion rising in her throat before asking, “You haven’t... “ She trails off but she can see the recognition immediately settle on Lexa’s face. Her whole body tenses underneath Clarke, and she looks away from her, embarrassed. 

“No,” Lexa says in the smallest voice Clarke’s ever heard. Tears begin to pool in Lexa’s eyes and Clarke wants to fix it as quickly as she can. 

“Hey, Lexa, look at me,” she says, softly placing her hand on Lexa’s cheek. “It's okay. We don’t have to. Not until you’re ready.” 

Lexa closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to steady herself. When she opens them again Clarke’s breath hitches at how  _ vulnerable _ she looks. “It scares me,” Lexa admits. “It feels like the whole world will change.” 

“It scares me too,” Clarke admits. 

“But you’ve-” Lexa challenges. 

Clarke smiles. “Never with the girl I’m in love with.” Lexa’s eyes fill with tears again but Clarke knows they’re tears of relief. “It’s  _ never _ felt like this,” Clarke tells her in a whisper trying to make Lexa see how honest she’s being. She’s had boyfriends, she’s had girlfriends, but it’s  _ always _ been Lexa in her heart. She knows when they finally take that step that it’s going to be completely different than anything she’s experienced before. “And yeah, the whole world  _ will  _ change,” she continues, “Because I’m going to show you how  _ loved  _ you are, and you’ll never doubt it ever again.” 

Lexa actually cries and Clarke thinks she might have said the wrong thing, but then Lexa’s pulling her in for a kiss and her lips are trembling against Clarke’s and she knows that Lexa feels safe in her arms. “I want to show you too,” Lexa admits against Clarke’s lips, “Someday, I want to make you feel it.” 

Clarke wants to tell her that she’s already making her feel it by just being here in her arms, kissing her,  _ loving her _ , but the words are lost in her throat. Lexa is overwhelming, she’s everywhere. Clarke’s senses are on overdrive  - she can see her, taste her, feel her, hear her, smell her perfume - everything is so overwhelmingly  _ Lexa _ and she’s never felt this lucky in her life. 

“I love you,” drops from her mouth before she can stop it and the words don’t feel like enough but she doesn’t know what else she can say to make Lexa understand. 

“I love you,” is returned to her and it’s like call and response. She wonders if this is how it’ll be now, that it’ll be almost involuntary to say it when the other does. She hopes so. Clarke thinks she’ll never tire of hearing Lexa say those words. 

“Can I take you on a date?” Lexa asks her, and it catches her off guard. 

“A date?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa says, hopeful. “Like to dinner. Or a movie. Or just for a walk in the park or something… I just want to take you out.” 

She’d been so overwhelmed by the little moments they were having that she forgot about the bigger picture. She doesn’t even know if Lexa’s her  _ girlfriend _  yet but the thought of it, and everything it entails, makes her stomach flip. 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Clarke agrees. “When?”

“Tonight? After work?” 

“And where are we going?” Clarke asks playfully. 

“That’s a surprise,” Lexa flirts. “Actually, I don’t even really know yet,” she laughs. “All I know is I want to take you on a date.” 

Clarke thinks they could go anywhere and she’d be happy. 

“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this,” Clarke tells her. 

“It feels right.” 

Clarke nods in agreement because, yes it does. Nothing has ever felt so right in her entire life. “You’ve always felt right to me. An inevitability.” 

Lexa’s face lights up in a wide smile. “You’re gross,” she laughs, but Clarke can see in her eyes how much the words mean. 

 

 

//

 

Clarke’s mind thinks of nothing but Lexa all day. She doodles in her notepad during meetings and everything that she produces has Lexa in it. The soft curve of her shoulder, the pattern of her tattoo, the hope in her eyes. Clarke’s margins are filled with Lexa and her heart is too. 

She checks her phone at lunch and smiles immediately as she sees the ‘Lexa (3)’ message notification on her phone. 

_ Hi, i hope you’re having a good day and aren’t too tired - I know some girl kept you up last night. She wants to keep you up again tonight, but thinks you might want to nap first :) so she’s going to pick you up around 9, is that okay?  _

_ I can’t stop thinking about you.  _

_ Who were we before this? _

She reads the last message four times. Twenty four hours ago they were just Clarke and Lexa, but it feels like a lifetime ago. The ache in her chest that craved Lexa for  _ years _ is just a memory and she’s never felt so full in her life. 

_ The only thing better than being kept up by a beautiful girl is being kept up by a beautiful girl two nights in a row ;) 9 is good. I’ve been doodling you all afternoon btw.  _

She hits send but then hesitates and types out another message. 

_ Before this I loved you, I love you now, and I’ll still love you after.  _

It’s as close as she’ll get to admitting to Lexa that she’s in this for the long run. One day in the future she’ll get down on one knee and ask her, she’ll be the one to have the courage this time. But her heart won’t be full of fear because she’ll know she won’t lose Lexa, but instead will be given a promise of forever. 

It’s been less than a day, and Clarke’s heart already aches for it. 

It’s been less than a day, and there’s no doubt in Clarke’s mind that Lexa is the one. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lexa takes Clarke on the date and they're just as gross as before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! This one shot got such a great response and I enjoyed writing fluff so much (I'm usually all about that angst) that I decided to make this a two shot! I also tried to sneak in some canon lines, so see if you can spot them ;)

Lexa wakes first. She has a moment of mild panic as she thinks she’s slept through her alarm, but when she reaches over to check the time and realises there’s still ten minutes until it goes off, she relaxes. Clarke’s arm is still draped around her waist, and she can feel the subtle rise and fall of Clarke’s chest behind her as she breathes. 

Lexa takes takes in every last thing about the moment and commits it to memory. 

It’s all so new to her, but it feels overwhelmingly familiar. She can’t remember how it felt to wake up yesterday without the weight of Clarke’s body in the bed behind her. Lexa wasn’t sure that happiness like this existed, the type that covers her whole body like a blanket keeping her warm. 

Clarke stirs behind her and pulls Lexa closer. She feels soft lips kissing the bare skin on her back and she melts into it. “Mmmm, good morning,” Clarke mumbles. 

“ _ Best _ morning,” Lexa replies, smiling. Clarke pulls her even closer again, and Lexa reaches for her hand to hold it. 

“We could just take the day off,” Clarke suggests and Lexa’s heart leaps in her chest knowing that Clarke doesn’t want to leave this bed any more than she does. 

“I’d love to but I have finals next week and this class is kind of important,” she reminds Clarke reluctantly. 

“I guess my clients wouldn’t be too happy if I cancelled all my meetings either,” Clarke notes. 

Lexa smiles. “No, probably not. But I’m taking you out on a date tonight, remember? So we’ll get to do this all again.” 

Clarke gently pulls Lexa’s shoulder to turn her around. As soon as Lexa sees Clarke’s face her stomach fills with butterflies. She feels a little like a teenage girl with a first crush, but she doesn’t care because she  _ knows _ she’s a young woman with a first - and only - love. 

It feels like the most special thing in the whole world. 

“I’m going to miss you,” Clarke tells her. “I know it’s only like half a day, but I will.” 

Lexa leans up and kisses her softly. “I miss you already.” 

Clarke laughs just as Lexa’s alarm goes off on the nightstand. She groans knowing that Lexa is going to have to get up. “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” Clarke says. Lexa kisses her once more, this time with a little more passion. She makes sure she doesn’t take it too far because she knows she’ll never be able to get up if Clarke’s hands stand wandering over her body. 

Lexa throws back the blankets and the cold air hits her in the absence of Clarke’s warmth. She takes her time getting up, her mind knowing she has class soon but her heart tethered to Clarke. Lexa makes her way to her wardrobe to grab some clothes for the day but she hears Clarke move in the bed behind her. She turns and sees Clarke sitting upright with a smirk on her face. 

“Y’know, I really  _ hate _ to see you go,” Clarke flirts. “But my  _ god, _ do I love to watch you leave.” It takes Lexa a moment to realise the meaning of the words and when she does she blushes. No-one, until Clarke, had told her she was beautiful, but with every word out of Clarke’s mouth she really  _ feels _ beautiful. 

“Maybe when I get out of the shower you can grant me the same pleasure,” Lexa throws back, knowing that the words will drive Clarke wild. 

 

//

 

“You’re still in bed, Clarke,” Lexa notes when she walks back into the room fifteen minutes later. 

Clarke pouts. “I realised I have a problem.”

“What is it?”

“I didn’t bring any clothes for work,” Clarke admits. “I don’t have time to go back to mine to get any or I’ll be late.” Lexa knows what she’s going to ask before she even says the words. “Can I borrow some of yours?”

They’ve shared clothes for years. Hoodies and t-shirts and sweatpants. Even dresses for nights out. But this makes Lexa’s heart race in the best way possible. “Of course, take your pick,” she says, pointing at the closet. 

Clarke smiles and finally gets out of bed and  _ god _ , Lexa’s  _ gets it.  _ She understands exactly what Clarke meant earlier because Clarke is walking across her bedroom in nothing but her underwear, her hair still messy from sleep, no make-up, and she is the most beautiful thing Lexa’s ever set eyes on. Her gaze wanders down Clarke’s body and her mouth almost waters at the sight of her curves. “You’re…” She’s absolutely speechless. 

Clarke smiles softly. “Are we one of those gross couples now?” 

Lexa’s face drops at the word and she feels the heat rise in her cheeks. She didn’t realise how much she wanted it until she hears Clarke refer to them as a couple. “Are we… Are you… I mean, is it official?”

She’s so flustered but Clarke just walks towards her, still not dressed, and takes Lexa’s hands in her own. “Lexa, will you be my girlfriend?” 

She thinks the words should make her like a kid in a schoolyard, but they don’t. They make her feel special, and wanted, and - most of all -  _ loved. _ “Yes,” she breathes out in a whisper.  

 

//

 

Lexa is completely useless in class and may as well have stayed at home with Clarke. She hasn’t listened to a word her professor has said all morning, instead choosing to daydream about the previous night. She still isn’t sure it’s real but she reads over the messages on her phone again and again until the reality sets in. 

She finds herself smiling at random points of the day as she remembers little things that Clarke did - the sound of her laugh, the way her touch feels on Lexa’s skin, the look in her eye when she says ‘I love you’. It’s almost midday before Lexa remembers that she said she’d take Clarke out on a date tonight. She’d spent so long thinking about the night before that she completely forgot that this isn’t just a one night thing. Clarke is her  _ girlfriend _ and she’s taking her out tonight and she has no idea where to go. 

She decides to buy herself a little more time, so she picks up her phone and texts Clarke. 

_ Hi, i hope you’re having a good day and aren’t too tired - I know some girl kept you up last night. She wants to keep you up again tonight, but thinks you might want to nap first :) so she’s going to pick you up around 9, is that okay? _

Lexa finishes class at three and Clarke finishes work at five, so it gives them both enough time to get ready for the night ahead. 

On her lunch break Lexa desperately asks Google what their city has to offer. She wants to impress Clarke, she wants their first date to be amazing. Clarke deserves nothing less than the best of everything and the pressure of trying to find the perfect place to take her is getting Lexa flustered. After fifteen minutes of searching and getting nowhere, Lexa decides she needs a break and she goes onto Facebook for a distraction. 

Her eye catches sight of her profile picture - of her and Clarke at one of Raven’s house parties - and she feels herself relax immediately. She clicks through to Clarke’s profile and opens up her profile pictures, scrolling through them one by one. So many of them have Lexa in them whether it’s in a group or just the two of them, but she smiles at how much of a presence they have in each other’s lives. No-one is going to be surprised when they find out they’re dating. 

Lexa’s mind is completely full of Clarke, and as she keeps scrolling through the pictures, she comes to a throwback picture Clarke had posted of them when they were six. Clarke’s face is covered in different colored paint, and Lexa is looking at her laughing with a paintbrush in her hand. The memory sparks something in Lexa and immediately she knows where she’s taking Clarke tonight.

 

//

 

Her afternoon classes aren’t any better. She sees Clarke in everything. She knows she should be concentrating but she can’t seem to find it in her to care. She texts Clarke under the table so her professor won’t see. 

_ I can’t stop thinking about you. _

She thinks back to the picture of them as kids, and she remembers every last detail about that day, but it feels like it was a lifetime ago. It feels like it was two different people in the photo. It baffles her and she thinks that maybe they  _ are  _ different people now. Not just older, but  _ free _ . 

_ Who were we before this? _

A day ago she wouldn’t have dared text things like this to Clarke for fear of Clarke figuring out her true feelings, but now that everything’s out in the open, Lexa has no restraint. It feels so good to be able to say what’s on her mind without worrying about Clarke’s reaction. 

It doesn’t take long for Lexa to hear back from Clarke. It’s slightly embarrassing how excited she gets when she sees Clarke’s name appear on her screen. She stares at the notification for a moment before actually opening the message. 

_ The only thing better than being kept up by a beautiful girl is being kept up by a beautiful girl two nights in a row ;) 9 is good. I’ve been doodling you all afternoon btw. _

The message calms Lexa immediately. She smiles at the thought of Clarke doodling her, and she knows that she’s made the right decision for their date later. She can’t wait to see Clarke’s reaction. Her phone vibrates in her hand again and it makes her jump. 

_ Before this I loved you, I love you now, and I’ll still love you after. _

She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to this feeling, and part of her never wants to. Of being completely overwhelmed with love for Clarke. Lexa hopes that years down the line, Clarke will still be catching her off guard like this, making her heart leap. 

 

//

 

Lexa starts getting ready at five. She knows it’s excessive, but she doesn’t want anything going wrong. She tries on almost every item in her closet - noting that her black pencil skirt and red blouse are missing. She smiles thinking of how good Clarke looked in them this morning, especially her blouse which fitted much tighter on Clarke than it does on Lexa. Not that she was complaining. 

She eventually settles on some skinny jeans, boots and a low cut top that shows off just enough but not too much. She’s just sitting down to start her hair and make-up when Clarke texts her. 

_ I tried to nap but couldn’t sleep. I was too excited to see you ;)  _

Lexa replies right away. 

_ You’re too cute. I can’t wait to see you soon!  _

She sets the phone down and focuses on her hair. She decides to keep it down, letting it fall over one shoulder in loose curls. Her make-up is understated and natural. She doesn’t have to impress Clarke. She’s already got the girl. 

_ I’m ready, so if you are… you could totally pick me up before 9… _

Lexa loves how impatient Clarke is, and she’s grateful for it because her heart is aching to be close to her. 

_ I’ll leave in 5. I love you.  _

She grabs her leather jacket on her way out the door and the bag she’d packed earlier. She throws it in the trunk before setting off to Clarke’s. 

Every song on the radio as she drives seems to be about them. Every lyric is a direct reference to their love and if she thought Clarke wouldn’t kill her for it, she would break the speed limit to get to her girlfriend even quicker. But she stays at a respectable speed knowing she’ll be there soon enough. 

She pulls up curbside at Clarke’s apartment block, but doesn’t even have to buzz in as Clarke’s already waiting on the steps outside. The sight of her knocks the breath out of Lexa’s lungs. 

Clarke’s wearing a tight red dress, her hair is down, her eye make-up is dark. She looks beautiful. Lexa walks towards her slowly, taking every inch of her in. “Wow,” she says when she’s close enough for Clarke to hear. 

“Wow yourself,” Clarke smiles, her eyes roaming over Lexa’s body. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Lexa asks, noting that Clarke has no jacket. 

Clarke shakes her head. “I have a warm body to cuddle into, I’ll be fine.”   
  
Lexa reaches up and places her arms round Clarke’s neck, and she feels Clarke’s hands find home on her waist. She leans her forehead against her girlfriend’s, teasing Clarke with her nose. “I’ve thought about doing this all day,” Lexa whispers before pressing their lips together. She hears Clarke moan in response and feels like entire body has been set on fire. She adjusts the angle so she can kiss Clarke deeper. She’s losing herself in it when Clarke pulls away. 

“We have time, Lex,” she reminds her. “We can take our time.” Lexa blushes slightly at how carried away she got so quickly. 

“Are you ready to go?” she asks, dropping her arms from around Clarke’s shoulders to find her hands. 

“I’ve been ready since I got out of your bed this morning,” Clarke reminds her. “Your clothes are in my apartment by the way, feel free to come over and get them any time,” she smirks. “Maybe if I’m lucky you can model them for me.” 

“Maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll let you take them off me,” Lexa flirts. She knows they’ve already discussed the fat that they’re taking things slow and they’re not going to sleep together right away, but Lexa  _ wants _ it even if it feels like the most terrifying thing in the world. Clarke’s eyes widen at the thought, clearly not expecting Lexa to be so forward with her flirtation. 

“You just say the word and it’s done,” Clarke tells her playfully, sealing the promise with a soft peck on the lips. 

Lexa leads them to the car, opening the door for Clarke to get in. “You don’t have to do this,” Clarke half laughs as Lexa stands there, door open, waiting for Clarke to get into the passenger seat. 

“I want to,” Lexa admits shyly. 

Clarke blushes and gets inside. “I’ll be honest… it feels kind of good to be treated like a lady,” she smiles. 

“If we’re being honest… It kind of feels good to treat you like one,” Lexa says before closing the door and making her way to the drivers side. 

 

//

 

“Where are you taking me?” Clarke asks when they’ve been driving for over half an hour. Clarke’s hand has been on top of Lexa’s on the gearstick since they pulled away from her apartment. They’re driving out of the city and up into the hills. 

“Be patient,” Lexa reassures her. “It’ll be worth it.” At least, she hopes it is. 

“Babe, we could drive all night with nowhere to go and it would still be worth it.” Lexa’s whole body freezes at the term of endearment but Clarke doesn’t notice. 

A few minutes later Lexa pulls into a rest stop at the side of a road covered by forest on either side. She parks up and turns to Clarke. “Do you trust me?” she asks. 

Clarke looks at their surroundings and the darkness of night slowly creeping in. Lexa thinks she might say no but Clarke eases her fears immediately. “With my life.” 

“Then you need to put this on,” Lexa tells her holding out a scarf for Clarke to use as a blindfold. Clarke looks at it with curiosity before taking it into her own hands. 

“What have you got planned?” she asks, and it’s a question that hangs in the air with wonder not needing to be answered. 

“Trust me,” Lexa says, taking the blindfold and helping Clarke tie it round her head. She pulls it in a knot gently, not wanting to make it too tight. “Is that okay? Can you see?” she asks, waving a hand in front of Clarke’s face. 

“No, I can’t see a thing,” Clarke laughs. “This scarf smells like you though.” 

Lexa starts driving again knowing their destination is just around the corner. She indicates and pulls down a narrow lane until she arrives and brings the car to a stop again. “I’m going to get out and come round to get you,” Lexa explains. “Don’t take the blindfold off, okay? Just trust me.” She kisses Clarke again, just because she can, and she knows Clarke genuinely can’t see anything with the way her body jumps when Lexa’s lips touch her own. 

She walks round to the passenger side and opens the door, helping Clarke get out. “Careful,” she says, handling her like she’s so fragile that she’ll break. Lexa closes the door and guides Clarke to where she wants her. She looks at the sight in front of her and hopes Clarke will like it. “Ready?” she asks, slightly scared. 

Clarke nods, and Lexa takes the blindfold off, watching eagerly to try and gauge Clarke’s reaction. As soon as Clarke’s eyes open, and she takes in the view, her face is the picture of awe and Lexa knows she made the right decision. “Lexa…” she breathes, not able to find any other words. 

“Do you like it?” Lexa asks, even though she already has all the confirmation that she needs in Clarke’s body language. “I know you like landscapes and you like the stars and I wanted to take you somewhere special and-”

Clarke cuts her off with a kiss. It’s wanting and heavy and it takes Lexa a second to realise that Clarke’s cheeks are wet. She pulls away just enough to look Clarke in the eye. When she does, it takes her breath away. “It’s perfect,” Clarke chokes out through happy tears. “ _ You’re _ perfect,” she says, reconnecting their lips. Lexa surrenders to her completely, trying to use her body to convey just how she’s feeling. She pulls Clarke’s waist closer to her so their bodies are flush against one another. 

She loves this feeling of being kissed and held and  _ loved, _ but she also wants to show Clarke the other part of her surprise so she reluctantly pulls away. Clarke actually groans in disappointment as their lips part and Lexa feels the sound deep in her chest. “I need to show you something else,” she says. “Wait here.” She leaves Clarke looking out over the view. They’re on top of the ridge just outside town overlooking the entire city. The sun has just dipped below the horizon and the scene below them is illuminated as the lights from cars and buildings and streetlights come on. Lexa’s favourite part of being up here though is that they’re far enough away from it all that the stars don’t disappear. The sky above them is clear and she knows that in an hour or so they’ll have a perfect view of the constellations. 

She returns from the car moments later but doesn’t speak right away. Instead, she takes a second to just appreciate Clarke who is standing looking out at the view in awe. Lexa cannot believe how  _ lucky _ she is that Clarke loves her back. She smiles softly at her girlfriend before giving her her present. “So, I wanted to get you something special,” she starts, “because tonight is special, and you’re special.” Clarke smiles. “And I thought back to when we were kids. Back when you started painting, and how you used to draw these amazing scenes, and I used to just get a brush and paint anything in sight.” 

“Including me,” Clarke reminds her, laughing. 

“Including you,” Lexa says, thinking back to the Facebook photo of them covered in paint. “But I know how much art means to you and how much you love it.” 

“Not as much as I love you.” 

Lexa blushes but doesn’t look away. “I thought I’d get you something to remember tonight by,” Lexa says, handing over a small parcel. She watches as Clarke opens it and her face lights up. “I thought you could paint the view. It’s too beautiful not to capture,” Lexa tells her “And with your artistic eye, I’m sure you could make it even more so.” 

Clarke runs her fingers over the front of the box of paints. There are also some brushes, some pencils, and a new sketchbook. Clarke just takes a few moments to go through everything. “Lexa, this is-” she starts. “You didn’t have to do all of this.” 

“I didn’t do anything. I just wanted to show you somewhere you’d never been before. And I know you’d want to remember it.” 

“You’re…” Clarke whispers. “God, you’re  _ amazing _ .” 

Lexa smiles. “I have a blanket in the car, and some food. And I brought you a sweater because I knew you’d be the irresponsible one,” she teases. 

“Hey!” Clarke protests. 

“Clarke, you literally went to work in my clothes today because you didn’t bring any of your own to wear,” They both laugh, but Clarke says nothing because she can’t argue with that logic. 

Lexa grabs the rest of her stuff from the car and lays the blanket down on the ground for them to sit on. She tosses the sweater to Clarke who puts it on and sits down, cross legged on the ground. Lexa hunts around in her bag for her finishing touch. 

“You brought _candles_?” Clarke asks in disbelief. Lexa lights the few candles she brought and positions them around the blanket. 

“They’re romantic,” she states. “If an expensive restaurant can have them while you eat then why shouldn’t we have them up here while we eat our picnic?”

Clarke just stares up at her in disbelief. “You are too much,” she says. “Join me?” 

Lexa sits down beside Clarke, who immediately drapes an arm around Lexa and pulls her closer. Lexa rests her head on Clarke’s shoulder and they sit like that in the stillness for what feels like forever to Lexa. She doesn’t think her heart has ever been so at peace before now. Everything between them feels completely natural, nothing is forced or weird with them, and Lexa relaxes into how safe she feels with Clarke’s arms around her. 

“We should have been doing this a long time ago,” Clarke says quietly. 

Lexa agrees, but she also thinks that the waiting has made everything even better. “It takes as long as it takes,” she says. “We’re here now and that’s enough for me.” 

“Yeah, we are,” Clarke notes, as if she’s just realising it for the first time. 

Lexa shifts from Clarke’s embrace and lies down flat on the blanket so she can see the sky above her without the lights from the city in her vision. Clarke follows immediately, her left hand finding Lexa’s right so she can hold it in between them. 

“You can see the stars so well here,” Clarke says in wonder, staring up at the darkness. “How did you find this place?”

“Anya showed me it when I was young. Then when I got my licence it was my go to place when I needed to escape,” Lexa explains. She doesn’t mention that most of the time when she needed to escape was when Clarke was on a date or hooking up. All she says is, “I thought about you a lot of the time when I was up here.” 

“Did you ever think we’d be here?” Clarke asks. “Like this, I mean.”

“I hoped. Maybe someday. But I don’t think I ever truly believed it.”

“Believe it,” Clarke says with a gentle squeeze of Lexa’s hand. They fall into comfortable silence for long moments until Clarke speaks. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“You can tell me anything,” Lexa replies. 

“I’ve kind of always believed that we have other lives,” she says, her eyes never leaving the stars. Lexa turns her head to look at her as she speaks. “I think that maybe in one of those lives I lived in space. It’s why I’m drawn to the stars so much. I feel like I know them.” A pause, and then, “Does that sound stupid?” Clarke asks sincerely, turning her head so she can see Lexa. 

“Not at all,” Lexa replies honestly. “Where am I in this life? Am I made of stardust too?”

Clarke immediately shakes her head. Lexa can tell from her face that this isn’t just something Clarke’s thought up in the past five minutes. This is something that is deeply a part of her. “I don’t think so,” she swallows. “I’ve always thought that you’d be on the ground. And that even if you were, that wouldn’t stop us. That we’d still find a way.” 

“I like that.” 

“I don’t think anything could keep us apart,” Clarke admits. “In any world or any lifetime, we’d always find each other.” 

“I’m glad I found you in this one,” Lexa says.

“Me too.” 

A shooting star passes over the sky above them and neither speaks, but the way Clarke’s fingers graze gently over Lexa’s knuckles at the sight of it lets her know that they wished for the same thing.

_ I wish I have this, and every other lifetime, with her. _

 

//

 

Lexa points out the constellations she knows, but it's Clarke who ends up educating her. They lie side by side for an hour, Clarke pointing out new constellations or stars as she spots them. Her teachings are punctuated with tender kisses and the soft touch of hands roaming over bodies. 

"You haven't painted yet," Lexa reminds her when Clarke has kissed her so much that her lips are swollen and her breathing is becoming shallow. "I'll always be here," she says. "But it seems like a waste to neglect this view." 

Clarke sits up, leaning over to lift the pencils and notebook. "Sit in front of me," Clarke asks. "Facing me, so I can see you." 

Lexa obliges and sits cross-legged in Clarke's line of sight, with her back to the city below. Clarke opens up the sketchpad to the first page and starts to draw. 

Lexa feels slightly embarrassed being Clarke's subject like this. Her eyes study Lexa intently, taking in every single inch of her face, of the way her hair is blowing in the soft breeze, of how the light from the candles casts shadows over her cheeks. "This feels very... intimate," Lexa admits. 

"Because it is," Clarke tells her. Lexa smiles at her and relaxes slightly, although Clarke's gaze is so passionate that Lexa's heart skips every time she meets Clarke's eyes. "Talk to me," Clarke says when they've been sitting in comfortable silence for ten minutes. "Tell me something I don't know about you." 

Lexa thinks for a few moments before saying, “I want to change the world.” Clarke sets down her pencil and looks at Lexa differently. She can’t quite pinpoint what’s changed in her gaze, but it feels deeper, more intimate. “I mean, I know everyone says they want to change the world, but I really do,” Lexa continues. “And sometimes I feel like I can. Like I’m here to do something great.” She looks away from Clarke, needing a moment to gather herself. She feels like she’s unravelling in Clarke’s eyes. “I want to change the way people think about things.” She feels emotion rising in her throat. 

“You already have,” Clarke says softly. “You’ve changed  _ my  _ world. And I know you’re going to do amazing things, Lexa. I can’t wait to watch my girl change  _ everyone’s  _ world,” she smiles. 

“You really believe I can?” She hates how small her voice sounds. 

“I believe you can do anything. If you want to change the world, then the world better buckle up.”

Lexa crawls forward to close the gap between them, placing her hand on Clarke’s cheek. She leans in slowly, revelling in the way Clarke’s eyes dart down to her lips every few seconds. When they meet, it’s slow and sensual, and Lexa hears Clarke drop her sketchpad. Clarke cups her cheeks with both hands and deepens the kiss. 

It doesn’t last long as Lexa feels something wet on her knee and pulls away. She looks down and moves back quickly. “Clarke! The paint!” she exclaims, looking down at where Clarke had knelt on one of the tubes bursting it open. 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry!” Clarke says as she takes in the patch of yellow paint on the blanket below them. 

“Don’t be. It’ll wash out,” Lexa reassures her. “And anyway… it was worth it,” she says with a wink. 

“I could use it before it dries up actually,” Clarke laughs, grabbing a paintbrush and dipping it in the spillage. She lifts up her sketchpad again and Lexa watches as she marks the page with careful strokes, even if she can’t see the whole picture yet. 

She watches Clarke paint, adding bold reds, blues and black after the yellow. She scrubs some of the paint off her jeans, surprised at how little of a mark it leaves. The look on Clarke’s face turns more serious as she concentrates harder on her work, until all of a sudden she sits back and puts the brush down. 

“I’m finished. Do you want to see it?” she asks. Lexa nods and she doesn’t understand why she’s so nervous. Clarke turns the sketchpad round and the painting blows Lexa away. She expected her frame to be a silhouette against the backdrop of color from the city below them, but Clarke has done the exact opposite. 

Lexa’s outline on the paper in front of her is dominated with color. It’s abstract and loud against the black and white sketched background of the city. “You’re more beautiful than any view,” Clarke says. “You make the rest of my world black and white.” And  _ god,  _ no-one has ever said anything like that to Lexa before. 

“Can I keep it?” is all that comes out of her mouth in response. 

“I wouldn’t want anyone else to have it,” Clarke admits. “Just let it dry first… We don’t want any more mess than we already have,” she smirks. 

 

//

 

They drive home around midnight, making easy conversation and singing along to songs on the radio. Lexa pulls up outside Clarke’s apartment block and puts the car into park. 

“Do you want to come in?” Clarke asks. Lexa knows it’s entirely innocent, but her heart likes the romance of just dropping Clarke home. 

“Not tonight,” she tells Clarke. To Clarke’s credit, she doesn’t protest, but smiles instead. 

“Walk me to the door?” Lexa is more than happy to do so and makes her way to the passenger door to help Clarke out. “You know it’s my turn to treat you like this next time, right?” Clarke laughs as Lexa takes her hand and they make their way to the steps of Clarke’s block. 

“We can take it in turns,” Lexa suggests. “Or we can do it just because.” 

“I like ‘just because’,” Clarke decides. 

They arrive at Clarke’s door far too soon for Lexa’s liking, but Clarke is standing in front of her and it’s like something from a movie. 

“I had a really good time tonight,” Lexa says. 

“Me too. Everything was perfect,” Clarke tells her. “Even the paint explosion.” 

“Even the paint explosion,” Lexa repeats, laughing. She reaches out to take Clarke’s hands in her own. “I’m so happy we’re finally doing this.” 

“That makes two of us.” It’s Clarke who kisses Lexa this time. Her kiss is soft and tender and doesn’t ask for more. She keeps it short and sweet and pulls back a few seconds later. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Hopefully.”

“Goodnight, Lexa.” 

“Goodnight, Clarke.” She holds Clarke hand until they’re too far away and they have to break apart. She watches Clarke open the door and make her way inside. Even when the door is closed and Clarke is gone, Lexa doesn’t move right away. She takes a moment to herself to just soak in the evening. 

Eventually, she makes her way back to the car and looks up at Clarke’s apartment before she gets inside. She isn’t surprised to see Clarke at the window looking down at her. Lexa waves shyly and Clarke waves back before Lexa actually leaves. 

 

//

 

Lexa wakes at four a.m. to her phone buzzing on her nightstand. It’s a message from Clarke, and she smiles before reading it. 

_ I’m in love with you _

It’s been twenty four hours and Lexa didn’t know happiness like this existed. 

It’s been twenty four hours and Lexa knows Clarke is the one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Any and all kudos/comments are appreciated! My tumblr is hartooo if you want to come over and say hi and share some Clexa fluff with me :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, as always I appreciate all and any kudos/comments/people screaming at me for making them feel things :) My tumblr is hartooo if you want to befriend me or prompt me (Can't promise I'll write everything but if something excites me, I'll try my best!)


End file.
